Based on theme: To Love Somebody
By Royce Holland
I arrived at the doctor’s office about 15 minutes before my appointment. I walked into the office and checked in with the receptionist behind the counter.
Good morning, I have a 10:15 am appointment with Dr. Williams.
Good morning, may I have your name please?
Okay Charlie, I will let Dr. Williams know you are here. You may have a seat until called.
I took a seat near the window and started to stare blankly out of it wondering what was going on for you today. Did you eat breakfast? What did you wear to work? Did you spray yourself with Channel No. 5 perfume? I sure loved holding you and smelling the nape of your neck smelling you mixed with the perfume. It would drive me wild causing my heart to pound quickly and my breaths to become short. As I became lost in the thought of you, I heard my name being called by Dr. Williams.
I jumped to me feet quickly and walked towards Dr. Williams and said Hello Dr. Williams, how are you?
I am well Charlie. Come in. We will be using the office in the rear of the hall today. You know the way.
I walked to the rear of the hallway where the farthest office was located. Upon entering the office, I looked around to see where I wanted to sit and the couch that was strategically placed near a small bookcase filled with various types of figurines seemed to be the logical choice. After taking my seat on the couch, I focused in on a set of three figurines on the bookcase that depicted the Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil scenario. My mind wondered again about you and whether you thought about how your actions have made me feel. How those actions broke my heart. Did you even care about what you did to me at all? Do you practice not seeing, speaking, or hearing evil? On the other hand, would you prefer to be considered the source of evil? Then my mind’s eye seen your beautiful face smiling at me and my heart began to melt all over again and tears streamed down my face.
Dr. Williams was watching my every move as she took notes. We sat in the room for what seemed like an eternity as she allowed me to cry in silence. I could not for the life of me figure out why you allowed our love to be thrown away in such a vulgar manner. Finally, Dr. Williams broke the silence and asked me to tell her what was on my mind. However, I did not know where to begin and I told her so. She told me to start at the beginning and to speak as if I was speaking directly to Diamond.
Here goes. When I first met you Diamond, I had no idea that it would blossom into such a strong love as it has. I still remember seeing your beautiful face for the first time. You were sitting at a park bench reading a book. The wind was gently blowing through the blonde wig you were wearing. Your lips were glistening with a golden bronze lipstick color trimmed in chocolate brown liner. Your eye shadow was similar in color to her lipstick. You were wearing a pink ruffle shirt that shown your shoulders. Your jeans were stonewashed blue and skintight. Your beige high heel shoes were peep toe and your toenails were painted yellow. Your hands were slender with long fingers with beautifully sculptured nails with an American Manicure. You were dressed as if you were a model who had just stepped right off the pages of the latest Vogue Magazine.
I approached the bench and sat next to you. Just then, the wind blew and your fragrance of Channel No. 5 filled the air. I was intrigued and asked what you were reading. You simply stated it was some silly love story with a fairytale theme that you wished your life was like. We laughed and I introduced myself to you and asked your name. Diamond, you replied. It so well fit you because at that moment you seemed to sparkle in the sun like a precious gem. I asked if you would like to go out for a movie and a bite to eat sometime. You agreed and we exchanged numbers. That night I called you and we talked into the wee hours about everything in the universe. This would be our routine for about two weeks. Then we had our first date.
I arrived to pick you up at about 7:30 pm on a Friday evening. A bouquet of red roses was the gift I brought for you. We went to a quaint little Spanish Bistro for Margaritas and Burritos. We had the time of our lives laughing, dancing, talking, and kissing. Afterwards we went back to your place. You resided in an apartment complex that had a pool area. We sat our near the pool and continued to enjoy each other’s company. I didn’t want to leave you but time came to say goodbye. It was nearly 4:00 am the next morning. We kissed and hugged and I bid you goodnight.
We continued to date for the next few weeks as we grew to know one another much better. Zoos, theme parks, nature preserves, shopping, movies, and dancing were among the things we enjoyed doing together. One evening after a long day at the local park, we decided to stay in and have pizza delivered. That evening was the first time we made love. It was the most glorious moment I had ever experienced and I knew I was falling in love with you.
After that evening, we spent all of our time together. We became so close that you decided we should reside together so I moved in. We were happy for the next four wonderful years together. Our evenings were filled with an evening meal where we discussed our happenings during the day while we were each at work. I held you each night as we slept and our weekends were always filled with some activity that drew us ever so closer together.
Diamond, I live and breathe because of you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. That is why I took us to the cabin in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee where I proposed to you. The ring I presented was a representation of my everlasting devotion to you. When you smiled and said yes, I knew we would be forever happy together. This was when you told me it was the perfect time to introduce me to your family. We planned for the long trip to Berkley, California to meet your parents and brothers for the first time as a couple. I was scared and excited at the same time. I had no idea what to expect from them and what they would think of me.
When we arrived, everything was awkward in the beginning but towards the end of the visit, I believed we had made the best of friends and I now had a new family. When we returned home, you began to act differently. You became distant and our evenings together began to be filled with arguments and pain. I didn’t understand what was happening between us. You asked me to begin to sleep on the couch each night and I my heart began to break from the pain of being away from you. What had I done to you to make you leave me suddenly like this? Had I hurt you without knowing what I had done?
Finally one evening last week, you asked for the two of us to go out for a quiet evening meal at the Spanish Bistro we had our first date. That’s when you dropped a bombshell on me. You told me that your parents and brothers did not approve of our relationship and that we will not be getting married. You handed me my ring and told me that I had until the end of next week to move out. I was devastated and asked if this is what you wanted. You told me that you loved me dearly but did not want to betray your family and decided to cut everything off between us. After four years of blissful happiness, why would you choose now to break it off? What is so wrong with me that no one wanted to see us together even when we were so happy together? I still hear your words so plain in my ears as each word shattered my heart.
Charlie, I love you dearly but my family believes we are not good for each other and that we should part ways. As you know my mother is extremely religious and has not given her blessing to our union because we are and unconventional couple. She said we would never be able to live the way we want and that many things would not be available to us because we are a lesbian couple that would not have the blessing from God.
You then handed me my engagement ring back and told me that this was the final date we would enjoy and that we must make the best of it. Later that evening, we made love for the last time. You packed my things nicely and had them all ready for me to go. I took my things and moved into the local extended stay hotel near our apartment. It’s only been three days since I last seen you or heard your voice but it feels like an eternity. Rejected because I do not fit the profile of the conventional person to love but our relationship was so perfect for the last four years. The only thing has changed is that I met your family because I wanted you to become my wife. Why can’t we have what any heterosexual couple has? The laws of today are much different and love is love no matter what others may define it as. We love each other.
I then burst into tears and began to wale in shear pain and anguish of heart. I had lost the only true love I had in life all because of the desires of someone else. I hurt so bad that I told Dr. Williams that I want to end my life. Diamond is my life and I no longer had anything worth living for anymore. I convulsed and shook while crying profusely as Dr. Williams took her notes and watched me with concern.
Charlie, Dr. Williams said, I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time at this moment. To assist you in getting over your pain, I would like to have you admitted into the local hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. When someone loves as strong as you love then suddenly is shattered without warning as you have been, you become concerned that one my take their own life to end the pain. While I don’t think that your pain will be forever, it will take some time to get over. However, never forget that your life is worth living and does not revolve around Diamond although you have built it around her for the last four years. You have loved her until you have lost yourself in your love for her. She has chosen to walk away from the love you two have built and you can’t control that. You can control how you respond to it and I am here to assist you through the pain and a healthy recovery.
Dr. Williams, will I ever feel like living again? I mean, I want to just go to sleep and die never to know anything anymore. I want to become non-existent and let the pain I feel in my heart to end instantly.
Charlie, we all have devastation in our lives that we have to deal with. Some of us deal with these types of things in the same way you are dealing with your pain. Having intervention to make it through will ensure your life doesn’t remain shattered to the point of death. You are a beautiful person who deserves to be loved and you will survive this moment and emerge as the strong woman you were once before.